This is me with the Olympic torch. I can’t wait to enter the arena, to universal applause, and light the, what… the bowl of petrol? Or something like that. This act will mark the start of the games. And I am so happy that this year, with Great Britain hosting such an historic and challenging event, that I have been chosen to advise the athletes on nudity. How to compete naked and remain safe and dignified, that kind of thing. The UK’s most naked man will be leading the first naked Olympic games in over 2000 years!